8 months and nothing to show

Today my boyfriend and i had our 8 month mark. I'm quite dissapointed as all I got on his part was a text message after i sent him one around 10:30 at night. I sometimes wonder if he's trying to push me away with this lack of communication. But then I remember what a busy guy he is and it makes me start to feel guilty of picking on him. Matt & I celebrated though and with the Dodgers winning 6-2 I couldn't be happier. This whole week so far was rough. I don't know how i managed it but I did. Except i lost 90 dollars worth of makeup, a bronser blush duo by NARS, some NARS gloss, and my new bronser brush. I can't find it anywhere and now i'm spazzing out about it. Hopefully my good karma works in my favor. And soon I hope. I seem to be hoping for a lot of stuff to happen. I shall have to wait and see.

The Inner workings of the human mind

We all look to our souls for answers

we look for guidance in the midst of wrongdoings

Blindly following the opposition

In time we shall learn the lessons of our forefathers

for to be one with nature, to be one of the earth

you must make sacrifice to makes the ends meet

to tie together, to really learn what it is that makes us two parts of one.

To be the other half of someone.

Doubts

Sometimes I really doubt myself. Today is no exception to say the least. I'm letting what my best friend says get in my head and it's not good. She doesn't think my boyfriend does enough for me and now I'm starting to think she may be right. But I know she's not, everyone shows their affection differently. He just tends to show it when I'm physically there and I show it when I'm there with him and when I'm back in the hell i live in for the next 9 months. I love him to death there is no doubt in my mind of that, but why should I let stupid thoughts plague me? So what if he doesn't send me flowers or cards. Not every guy does that and it costs money. He shows he cares with the little things he does, and they add up quickly. I think I just miss him so much at this point that I'm feeling like crap. I fell in love quicker than I ever thought I would. I mean REALLY fell in love. I have pictures of us on my wall and when I look at them it's a bitter/sweet thing. Hopefully I feel better, I hate feeling like poop.

Fun Fact: 90% of New York City cab drivers are recently arrived immigrants.

WHITE TRASH WEDNESDAY!!

Looks like today I finally start my classes :/ I'm not excited but i'm not unhappy either. I woke up before my alarm went off which was around 7:05 and the alarm was set for 7:45. I'm filling out paperwork and looking at the myspace bulliten I wrote stoned out of my mind around 2 in the morning. I figure I'll include it on here just to show off how I can write with just as much confusion as the late Jim Morrison (if there is a god, bless that poor mans soul!) sans alcohol. Hopefully I can add to this when I get home if I don't have too much homework

With tastes for the trips and fingertips resting for the hits
we spiral down a long winding corrider
we find that light is dark
light is star filled
the stars are made of violence
which is made up of fears
everything relates or comes back to fear.
We may not recognize this but it is in fact what we do believe
what we do, in fact hold holds us higher and in that regard we are united as one
holy
pure
innocent
enlightened
god

I called this next one "Incessant mouth words"

if i could I'd share my universe with youi'd stop the crazy merry-go-round of this madnessFor to stop the record of time we must all realize that the true power lies in the needle on the record and not in the record itsself. Once we have realized this we can speed things up or slow things down. We become the ones in control. And why would you want to be denied something as amazing as that? This week has proved to be the roughest in years actually. Who knew that the things that happened did and why couldn't we just admit that there is power in the proles. Someones messing with my time again. Perhaps the put a flaw in this new system of theirs. I"m sure you and i will never know but we can speculate. We can do as much as we possibly can and still never end up winning. But like I've said, we'll make it out alive one day and then we shall truely conquer the evil in this world.That my friends is what my mind tells me when sleep deprived and tired

On a side note! Today according to my best friend is "White Trash Wednesday" :D So guess that means all day today I'm Betty Lou and I HAVE to talk with a Southern accent. Mind you, I do a killer southern accent so this should be quite fun! Hopefully we have an Amy Winehouse dressup day again :] I've never put so much use into Wifebeaters till I met her<3 style="color:#6600cc;">Fun Fact: A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

Scrubs+Emotions+Alcohol

I haven't written in a few days due to the tumultous happenings in my damn life. I'm not going to go into detal even though I promised myself that this blog would be brutally honest in the very beginning. But this is just in case any of my friends were to find my blog and blab. I will however say that hospitals are full of shit. They have you waiting 6 hours just to say, "It's a bad panic attack, we can give you something if you want to calm you down?" It's like "I already had the panic attack HOURS AGO!!!" I finally picked up my scrubs for school and I'm nervous as hell to start Wednesday. Oh, and while in the hospital I was entertained by a glove blown up with a piggie face. I also tied knots on the fingers to make it look like the piggie had nappy roots. Eric hasn't talked to me in 3 days and it feels like longer. When we talk now it's always for under 5 minutes and it's mainly me talking a million miles a minute and him just saying "Uh huh". I wish I knew what was going on here because I'm not sure if he still wants me going over for Thanksgiving. Relationships are hard when it's long distance and as much as I'd like to break up with him sometimes due to the lack of love on my end I realize that he's worth it. Or as my brother likes to say, "The juice is worth the squeeze". I don't know what to really write right now. My mind is all over the place and I just wish Eric would pay some attention to me already. I just don't get it. He says if I was to visit he would make the time for me but it's like why wont he do it PERIOD? If i could understand men I would be so much happier for once. Could this also mean that I could blame my drinking many a margarita on my running from my problems in my relationshp. Is my unhappiness leading me to become a drunk like Tony Stark?!?!? If so I'm hoping I at least get over it soon. Drinks wont make things better, neither will copious ammounts of Ambien at bed-time. Plus, if I mix the two together that's a probelm with DISASTER written all over it. I hope all this just gets fixed soon :/ But what would this blog be like without my fun fact at the very end?!?! Stay Fresh :] Fun Fact: The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

Ambien makes the world go round

Last night went differently as planned. After long talks with Angela about my relationship with Eric I came the to safe conclusion that he's taking longer to fall in love than expected. Maybe this has to do with the fact that his ex "Did him wrong" so to speak. Either way, I'm getting the shaft end of the love here and I'm not to thrilled about it. Sure the long distance is rough but sometimes I feel like I'm making more of an effort here. Love letters, encouraging e-mails, silly comments via myspace and facebook. Not to mention the fact that he claims he loves this about me yet doesn't return the favor. I guess it's cause it's when I'm with him he takes care of me. The long distance part is the hard one. But with Dental Assistant school popping up next week I'm a little worried the relationship is going to feel it. He starts his classes on the 30th and mine start on the 20th. I'm still looking for a job to pay my speeding ticket which i have to have paid by the 25th or it's an episode of cops for me my brother pointedly jokes. That's right, I'm sure he'd love to see his 20 year old sister on COPS just to brag about it to his friends. Plus, I'd rather not have a warrant out for my arrest AND have a suspended liscense on top of it! How else will I get to school? Mix that in with the fact Eric's been busy as hell and I crave my attention...DISASTER! Plus, I have to have money for a plane ticket for thanksgiving with his family. The Ol' Mum isn't too happy that I wont be spending it with the family this year but I told her he wants me to spend it with him and his family. It should be intresting partially due to my non-christian/vegetarian/Mexican & NOT El Salvadorian ways. Aparently there is a rumor I hear that Mexicans and El Salvadorians hate each other with a passion. This has come up a few times when Eric has made claims that "Mexican's think they know everything! They don't!" It was then that I had to say, "Uhm, babe...I'm Mexican or did you forget?" I'm already planning on buying myself something nice but casual. I was thinking a pair of some A&F jeans and Juicy Couture top with some Christian Louboutin pumps just for the sake of it all. Not that I expect them to know what/who I'm wearing but I want to let them know that I'm not their average run of the mill girlfriend. Marriage has been discussed lightly and according to his best friend I'm aparently "The One". Let's hope it stays that way unless the family starts telling him he can't marry someone who's a non-christian. If need be I'll renounce my religion, "Au revoir Catholic Jesus!". Besides, it's not everyday you meet someone your willing to do that for. I'm not necessarily the most religious person on the block like ol' mum, but I definately have my faith. My brother Matthew really doesn't have any and "Stalin" AKA my dad is half as bad as ol' mum. Kind of strange for a family of Catholic Mexicans if you ask me. But now to my original point that I have not gotten to! As my dad watched the Olympics last night I kept chastising him for "FUNDING THE COMMUNISTS!" via television. He never changed the chanel and I had to live with it for the next 45 minutes as the ol' mum and I had a chat about my future and my relationship with Eric. She said "It's all in the good lord's hands" when I decided to tell her, "Mum, Eric says your an idol worshiper." She found this indeed hilarious and proceded to let out a huge laugh that very well could have shaken the house! "Pfft, IDOL WORSHIPER", now that's a good one!" Shortly thereafter the discussion of "Defending ones faith", I made my way down the stairs where I popped 3 of my ambien since the regular 1 hasn't seemed to work as I suppose I've built up a tollerance. I talked to Eric briefly before going into my "I can't remember what happened last night" mode. All I know is I woke up this morning and I made a phone call I shouldn't have made to an old friend of mine. No, it wasn't my ex but it wasn't someone I wanted to talk to. Hopefully they don't call me back today to discuss it. AWKWARD!!! To end this rambling...a fun fact!!! Did you know that the electric chair was invented by a dentist? That sick bastard!!! Until next time, keep it fresh :]

Stress in relationships/Starting a Career

It would seem that my stress level when it comes to my relationship with Eric has gotten a tad bit higher since I came home the last 2 months. Phone calls are less frequent and have been cut short. Due to my boyfriends increased responsibilites I decided I needed to get a move on with my life and "Do Something". That "Something" I'm going to pursue is going to school to become a Dental Assistant much to many a raised eyebrow. The fact that my choice didn't generate as much support as I'd hoped for only makes me want to strive for it more. Figures, when people don't support me and my radical choices I always have to push myself to do the best I can.

Last night I also decided to dye my hair all one color finally! It's a light brown-ish, which is definately more professional then what is was before with the blue in it. Hopefully that increases my chances of actually getting a job now! And I also hope that in the future this blog becomes more intresting and full of fun facts like how men are more likely to not wash their hands after using the restroom! Until I write/attack again, adios!